Kyra Velvet’s Birth Story
Kyra was due on March 5th 2011. Justin and I were so excited… we’d planned the entire pregnancy to make decisions that were the absolute best for her, almost regardless of what was best for me or desired by us…. Usually they went hand-in-hand. Therefore, besides planning on things like exclusively breastfeeding, cloth diapering, co-sleeping and baby wearing, we’d planned her birth to be as natural and gentle as possible. Because my mom is a midwife, and I’d grown up around an atmosphere that promotes birth as natural and beautiful, we’d decided on a homebirth. And to add to that, a water birth!
At our one and only ultrasound they had said that Kyra looked small, and changed our due date to the 15th. I knew that was incorrect as I keep accurate charts, but we kept it in mind… especially as the 5th came and went with no sign of labor! Since we wanted a homebirth Justin and I did everything “right”… I ate perfectly… lots of healthy salmon, proteins, veggies and fruits…. Walked, got massages. We attended excellent Bradley childbirth classes, did the assignments and read TONS of books together. We got the rented spa for the water birth… a huge, 6-feet across tub with jets and heat… and LOVED using it for the couple weeks we had it! We just couldn’t wait! Justin took off from work starting Feb 28th in anticipation.
The 5th was gone… then the 10th… I kept doing everything I could think of to start labor! I was stressed and anxious and had decided to go insane if one more person asked me how I felt! Justin and my sister, Stephanie, decided to get me out of town. My parents live 2 hours away on lots of peaceful land with a private lake… that sounded perfect and close just in case. So we left for their house on Monday, the 14th. We relaxed, played games and enjoyed ourselves. We usually have really late nights there since we aren’t worried about getting up… so when I had a few Braxton-hicks at 4 am on Wed. the 16th, I laughed them off and went to sleep. I woke up off-and-on all night as I continued to have them… but they were easy, sleep-through-them pulses, so no big deal. By the next evening they hadn’t stopped and were about 8 minutes apart, so we decided to head to Dallas. My mom left her shift as a night labor-and-delivery nurse and followed in her van (she had a bag of instruments, hoping I’d deliver en route, hehe). By the time we got to our house I was exhausted. (In the car Jen was at 5-1-1 and then slowed once we got home.) The contractions were still about 7 minutes apart and while they didn’t hurt, I couldn’t sleep through them. We had gotten back to Dallas about midnight on Wed/ Thurs. and we had all tried to get some sleep… which was worse for me. Contractions started to hurt when I was lying down… I couldn’t move like I wanted, and I had trouble relaxing. So I got up. I let Justin sleep as I knew it could be long (because my mom is a labor and delivery nurse, and I’d asked her to, I knew I wasn’t dilated yet) and my mom and sister were there to help. I LOVED rocking on the ball, hand-and-knees was good… basically, I wanted someone doing the hip squeeze for every contraction, which was still very manageable. I made laborade, ate and drank (although I can’t remember what). My midwife was waiting for the 5-1-1 call. As Thursday morning came I called my doula, Logan, who got her kids set up and came in early afternoon. She was able to take over for my mom- those hip squeezes are exhausting to do, apparently! Contractions were starting to get more intense so I was glad when Justin finally woke up- his strong hands were great on my back! I changed positions for the intenseness and liked someone pressing on my back/ hips while I could lean INTO him in front. Contractions were about 5 minutes apart. We got into the hot tub (with Justin and my sister) where contractions got much stronger and closer together- we were progressing! Or so I thought! On checking I STILL hadn’t dilated!! At this point it had been over 24 hours. My mom helped me get to a “2”… More contractions. My mom went to sonic because a hot dog sounded GREAT to me!!! And it was!! As that night fell I was starting to worry… so my midwife came over and checked me. She concurred that I hadn’t dilated by this point past a 4 (which my mom had also had to get me to manually as I had some scar tissue on my cervix). She said the baby sounded good, and suggested that I make contactions more productive (hoping to break my water) by pushing down for contractions. WOW- those were the hardest contractions to have!! But I was ready to meet Kyra, so Justin helped me with those. We decided to get more private to see if that helped, so everyone else napped and we lit candles and relaxed with music. I alternated- I’d been having VERY intense contractions, and needed constant change… I could only manage 2 contractions pushing on the toilet before it was too much, so then we’d get in the hot tub for a couple contractions, and then try to lie down for a couple to rest. I’d lost my voice “moaning” by now, so I was blowing out with each contraction. By 4 am on Friday I was exhausted! I’d been in labor for 48 hours and tried everything I could think of. I’d thrown up the last things I’d eaten and I’d finally hit the emotional “I can’t do it” point. I decided to call my midwife back over to see what options were for progress. While waiting for her to get here Justin helped me walk the stairs outside our apartments… up and down, up and down…. On arriving, she found out that NOTHING had changed… I was still only a 4! To make it worse, Kyra’s heartbeat was now erratic… she was exhausted too and not doing well. She recommended transporting, and on hearing that I burst into tears… this was my personal nightmare coming true!! We all went to Baylor and I can safely say that contractions in a car, set off by every bump, are horrendous!! While we hadn’t planned for this by packing a single thing, I HAD made a birth plan for c-section, “just in case”. (THANK YOU, LINDA).
The first thing I noticed was that everyone was nice to me… an obvious, homebirth patient. They started IV fluids and a belt to see contractions… which they noticed the “lates” on… Kyra wasn’t getting enough oxygen. So I was started on oxygen to help (NOT a fan of the mask, hah). They recommended an epidural because if they had to rush me back for a c-section they would do a general anesthesia which I did NOT want. So we decided to get the epidural. I can say that after a 48+ hour labor it was nice to be able to relax. The downside: as soon as they gave me the epidural, my over-tired uterus went into a long, unending contraction… the emergency team rushed into the room, immediately broke my water to relieve pressure on Kyra, and had to administer a medication to stop my contractions altogether. We decided to wait 30 (Justin says 2 hours) minutes and give Kyra and I time to rest, then slowly resume with Pitocin and see if we could get a vaginal birth started. 30 minutes later, with the start of Pitocin, Kyra once again started “lates”. The doctors came in and explained that it was my choice how we wanted to proceed- we could still try for a vaginal birth, but with her oxygen depletion and obvious stress we risked brain damage on her part- especially as I still wasn’t dilated past that 4/5. Or I could have a c-section. Justin and I chose c-section, as her health is our primary concern. I cried and I think he did too. I couldn’t stop apologizing, thinking it was my fault, I did something “wrong” to end up here… it was a nightmare, and I was far past exhaustion.
This is where the hospital, Baylor, really stepped up. From the beginning they had been completely supportive, letting Justin and I make the decisions, being respectful to us, my doula and my midwife, and discussing my birth plan. They copied my birth plan for my folder and EVERY doctor read it!!! This meant that I:
-took my placenta home (albeit after having to release it to a funeral home)
-initially received the lowest dose possible for an epidural where I still had slight feeling
- received NO memory-altering medications (given in some c-sections) or medications making me sleepy
We had the c-section and they even let my mom AND Justin accompany me in the OR. When she was pulled free all the doctor’s started saying, “Wow- look how BIG she is! Where was she hiding?” and I could immediately hear her cry! They also
-let the cord stop pulsing before cutting it… something my mom said she has NEVER seen in a c-section!! It was also a first for the hospital, as some nurses were asking what the doctors were doing… it was great!
-Kyra went over to the side to be checked out and Justin was immediately by her, holding her hand and she knew his voice, turned to it and quieted down when he spoke! She weighed 9 pounds, 2 ounces and was 22 inches long! Her feet were so big they wouldn’t fit in the space on the paper for them and are on the words also. We did decide on the vitamin K injection due to the traumatic nature of her birth, but that’s it. I had some complications during the surgery and my blood pressure kept dropping- resulting in more medications and LOTS of saline, and I ended up VERY swollen and MUCH more “out of it” than I was supposed to be, but they still placed her skin-to-skin on my chest (as requested) to leave the OR and into the recovery room. She breastfed immediately and well- she was VERY alert!! We went from there into our “regular” room, where we stayed until Sunday- when we got to go home a day early. Kyra never left my side except twice when they took her to be weighed, and Justin demanded to go with them both times. Even the pediatrician made an “exception” and came to our room to see her, when we adamantly stated that she was NOT leaving my side!!! She also slept in bed with me or on the couch with Justin- she was never in her bassinet, and it was wonderful!! We found out that her due date WAS the 5th- so she was 2 weeks overdue.
It has been harder reconciling the feelings I have about her birth. My midwife made such a heartfelt comment to me in my recovery room. She said, “It’s o.k. to grieve your birth and still love your daughter. Having a healthy baby isn’t the only (goal), and some people will think that will be enough. But it’s o.k. to grieve her birth process.”.
Kyra is super-healthy and gorgeous!! She is (now) a great breastfeeder, although I DID hire a lactation consultant for some help. We have all co-slept and LOVE it, and I’m working through all the emotions I have (some that I’m still recognizing) surrounding her birth. I found out later that our birth was considered “traumatic” although at the time I didn’t recognize it as such, nor did I know that over 48 hours had gone by in the labor (she was born at 12:27 p.m. on Friday, March 18th). I also found out that I was having back labor because her head was posterior, which is why I loved the back presses so much, and is also considered the most painful type of labor. While I have been constantly reassured that there was nothing I could have done to change that outcome, I feel better by thinking that I got through 48 hours of the most painful “natural” labor contractions, and I know I can do it again. So I’m proud of myself for that. I also know that Justin was amazing as a partner going through this difficult time with me- always patient, supportive and loving. I will never forget watching him look at Kyra for the first time and I feel that our relationship has reached a new level by helping each other through this. And the best part is becoming a family. Attached is a labor montage that Justin made to honor our experience.
